there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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