Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
