I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
