well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
