I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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