Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
