Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
