My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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