i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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