Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize