I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have aggressive nipples.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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