apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
