She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can text with my tongue
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
