The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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