Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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