Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
