She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The Olympian is in my bed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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