i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
