Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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