RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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