is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
