ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
