Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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