i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize