Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
