Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
