I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
