Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
