i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
