you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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