thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
