they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
