Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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