im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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