I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
