I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
