i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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