i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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