Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
