dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize