its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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