just come out here and I will go home with you...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
