I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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