there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
