In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
