how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
