so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
