We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
