they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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