Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
