after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
