my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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