What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
