I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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