She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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