is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
