Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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