During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
