i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
