We're facebook friends in real life
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
