You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
