hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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