I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
