Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
