remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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