Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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