evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
