Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
