I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
