Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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