he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
