I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
