I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
