Say something about gay babies.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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