you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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