I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
