i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
