my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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