woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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