you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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