i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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