Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
