Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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