I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i came on her dog
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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