Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
