I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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