I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
