i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
