Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
