Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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