foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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