his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
