I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
