I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
