sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
