And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
