im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
