after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
