you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
