Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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