Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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