lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
